Let's get real: I will stop teaching people

Last week I realized something. Again. I never stop changing and learning something new about myself. I shocked myself, because with this, I demolished my principle, my conviction. Something in what I believed in my whole life. But all these changes make me happy, because they make me feel interesting to myself.

Prejšnji teden sem nekaj dojela. Spet. Stalno dojemam nekaj novega in se spreminjam. Samo sebe sem šokirala, ker sem s tem podrla svoj princip, svoje prepričanje. Nekaj v kar sem verjela celo življenje. Ampak vseh teh sprememb sem vesela, ker sem zaradi tega sama sebi zanimiva.

I demolished my principle, my conviction.

I realized that I can't teach people. I mustn't. I myself am such, that I always learn from people, with whom I have any interaction with. I always absorb in everything, I can learn from someone and I am always self-critical and very aware of my own actions. I'm searching for everything, that will help me, to strengthen my character and become a better version of myself. We are all very different from each other. Very. Each has its own life story, habits, visions, goals, lifestyle. What happens is, that somebody does something that I recognize as a lack of emotional intelligence. And that really bothers me. This is an area where I'm sensitive. I understand, that it doesn't matter to other people, but I want to inform them about this. Well, I did, until last week. Sometimes it's not about emotional intelligence, but about a way of living, thinking, attitude towards other people. Because I don't want to see, how people who I love, are making mistakes. I want them to open their eyes. Teach them something. It NEVER ends well. It always leads to an argument. Then also physically I feel bad, because I don't like arguments, I can't stand how my heartbeat increases, how I feel tension in my throat and how loud my voice gets. I don't want to fight with people. This also means, that now there's a friction between this person and me and I most likely get on that person's nerves.

Dojela sem, da ljudi ne smem učiti. Ja, ne smem. Sama sem taka, da se vedno učim od ljudi, s katerimi imam kakršnokoli interakcijo. Vedno srkam, vedno sem zavedam svojega obnašanja in vedno sem samokritična. Iščem poti, ki me bodo pripeljale do tega, da bom svoj karakter okrepila in postala boljša. Ljudje smo si različni. Zelo. Vsak ima svojo življenjsko zgodbo, navade, poglede, cilje, življenjski slog. Zgodi se, da nekdo naredi nekaj, kar prepoznam kot pomanjkanje čustvene inteligence. In to me hudo zmoti. To je področje, kjer sem občutljiva. Razumem, da drugim ljudem to ni pomembno ampak ljudi hočem podučiti o temu. No, sem, do prejšnjega tedna. Včasih se ne gre za čustveno inteligenco ampak za način življenja, razmišljanja, odnosa do drugih ljudi. Ker ljudi, ki jih imam rada, nočem gledati, kako počnejo napake, jim hočem odpreti oči. Jih naučiti nečesa. To se NIKOLI ne konča dobro. Vedno pride do prepira. Takrat se prav fizično počutim slabo, ker ne maram prepirov, ne prenesem tega, kako mi srčni utrip naraste, kako me stiska v grlu in kako glasno začnem govoriti. Nočem se kregati z ljudmi. Poleg tega to pomeni, da je med to osebo in mano trenje, napetost, verjetno grem tej osebi na živce.

I don't want to fight with people.

Until now, it seemed right to try to help the people I love, to open their eyes. That I would be a bad person if I silently watched and let him/her to continue doing mistakes. My intentions are always good. If I look at the results after 30 years (well, I wasn't doing this, when I was a kid), I realize that this is not the right way. Finally, I realized that it doesn't bring anything good. I now know, that I shouldn't assume things based on my way of thinking. Yeah, I like to improve and work on myself, but not all people are like this. I can't impose something to someone. If someone is not hungry for information, he will just throw it away and then resent me because of something I don't agree with him/her. This always hurts me. My intention is positive but it is perfectly logical that the other person can't know this, because the first natural reaction is, to be hurt, angry and offended. I understand this reaction.

Do sedaj se mi je zdelo prav, da skušam ljudem, ki jih imam rada odpreti oči. Da bi bila slaba oseba, če bi molče gledala in pustila, da še naprej počne napake. Moj namen je vedno dober. Ko po 30ih letih (no, tega nisem počela, ko sem bila otrok) potegnem črto in pogledam rezultat, mi je jasno, da to ni pravi način. Končno sem dojela, da to ne prinese ničesar dobrega. Nehati moram sklepati po sebi. Ja, sama se rada spreminjam in učim, niso pa vsi taki. Ne morem nekomu vsiliti nečesa. Če nekdo ni željan informacije, jo bo vrgel stran in nato meni zameril, ker se v nečem ne strinjam z njim. To me vedno boli. Moj namen je pozitiven ampak v bistvu je čisto logično, da druga oseba tega ne more vedeti, ker je prvi naravni odziv prizadetost in užaljenost. Ta odziv popolnoma razumem.

I now know, that I shouldn't assume things based on my way of thinking.

Another reason why it's wrong to teach people is, that I myself am not perfect. Who am I, to teach anybody anything? As if I ate the whole knowledge of the world. In fact, this is very presumptuous and I don't like that. I don't want to be presumptuous. All I can do is, that I work on myself, change myself, grow and maybe I can influence someone, with the way I live and  have a positive impact. I'm happy, because I finally opened my eyes. With love, Neja

Drugi razlog, zakaj ni prav, da učim ljudi pa je ta, da tudi sama nisem popolna. Kdo sem jaz, da bom sploh koga kaj učila? Kot, da sem pojedla celo znanje tega sveta. V bistvu je to zelo prevzetno in to mi ni všeč. Nočem biti prevzetna. Vse kar lahko naredim je to, da se brigam zase, delam na sebi, spreminjam sebe, rastem in morda bom s svojim vzgledom na koga pozitivno vplivala. Vesela sem, ker sem končno odprla oči. Z ljubeznijo, Neja

I don't want to be presumptuous.

I feel / Čutim

We are here to create. That we in words, pictures, designs,  ... show what we feel. To speak. To make a mirror image of the emotions that drive us. It seems to me that some people have  this door immediately open. They instinctively feel the desire to create. Some have to look a little harder to find the key. We are here to listen to ourselves, not everyone who comes along when we walk on  the path of life. We shouldn't  give as much emphasis on the people that surround us. Do you realize how people affect you? And if you were surrounded by other people, everything would be different. So it's all very relative. Don't give such power to the people. We have to give that power to ourselves. We need to listen to ourselves. We need to love ourselves. When you realize, that  the only one that can truly make you happy, is you alone .... everything changes. What kind of relationship you have with yourself ... that's important. It's hard for me, when I see how someone puts his whole life in someone else's hands. How they  mistakenly think  that one person is  EVERYTHING. I  want to grab that person  by the shoulders, lift him, shake him hard and knock out that stupid way of thinking. No one has that power, you alone have it. And another thing that I personally find very important is .... that we should not adapt to people around us, yes, you do to some extent but I am thinking of a situations where you are surrounded by people who are very different from you and then you adjust yourself to them and then you are like them. And then you just attract more of those kind of  people. Be what you are. If you have an opinion, tell it. If you are an energetic person, who quickly gets excited by something, then show that. If something does not seem right to you, then speak about it. Of course, there are situations where you simply say: Ah hell, these people are not worthy of my real personality. This happens to me often .. sometimes you have to really choose which battles are worth fighting for. The best feeling in the world is, when you meet people who are just like you. I found that it's very important that the people around me are very similar to me. I am here to create. To feel. To love. To live. To laugh. With Love, Neja

Tukaj smo, da ustvarjamo. Da z besedami, slikami, kreacijami,  ... pokažemo, kaj čutimo. Da spregovorimo. Da naredimo zrcalno sliko emocijam, ki nas poganjajo. Zdi se mi, da imajo nekateri ta vrata takoj odprta. Instinktivno čutijo željo po ustvarjanju. Nekateri pa morajo malo močneje iskati, da najdejo ključ. Tukaj smo, da sebe poslušamo, ne pa vsakega, ki pride mimo, ko hodimo po poti življenja. Ne smemo dajati toliko poudarka ljudem, ki nas obdajajo. Se zavedate, kako ljudje vplivajo na vas? In če bi vas drugi ljudje obdajali, bi bilo vse drugače. Torej je vse zelo relativno. Zato  ne smemo podarjati take moči ljudem. Sebi jo moramo dati. Sebe moramo poslušati. Sebe moramo imeti radi. Ko dojameš, da je edini, ki te resnično lahko osreči, ti sam.... se vse spremeni. Kakšen odnos imaš sam s sabo... to šteje. Težko mi je, kadar vidim, kako nekdo celo svoje življenje postavi v roke nekoga drugega. Kako zmotno misli, da je tista oseba VSE. Tako osebo si želim zagrabiti za ramena, dvigniti, stresti in ji izbiti to neumno razmišljanje iz glave. Nihče nima te moči, ti sam jo imaš. In še ena stvar, ki se meni osebno zdi zelo pomembna je....da se ne smemo prilagoditi ljudem okoli sebe, do neke mere že ampak v mislih imam situacijo, ko te obdajajo ljudje, ki so precej drugačni od tebe in se jim potem prilagodiš in izpadeš še sam tak. In potem privlačiš samo še več takih ljudi. Bodi to, kar si. Če imaš mnenje, ga povej. Če si energična oseba, ki se hitro navduši nad vsem, potem pokaži to. Če se ti nekaj ne zdi prav, potem spregovori. Seveda so situacije, ko si preprosto rečeš: Ah k vragu, ti ljudje niso vredni moje prave osebnosti, ne da se mi. To se meni velikokrat dogaja..včasih moraš res izbrati, katere bitke je vredno bojevati. Najboljši občutek na svetu je, ko spoznaš sebi enake ljudi. Odkrila sem, da je zelo pomembno, da me obdajajo ljudje, ki so mi zelo podobni. Tukaj sem, da ustvarjam. Da čutim. Da ljubim. Da živim. Da se smejim. Z ljubeznijo, Neja