| Last week I realized something. Again. I never stop changing and learning something new about myself. I shocked myself, because with this, I demolished my principle, my conviction. Something in what I believed in my whole life. But all these changes make me happy, because they make me feel interesting to myself. | Prejšnji teden sem nekaj dojela. Spet. Stalno dojemam nekaj novega in se spreminjam. Samo sebe sem šokirala, ker sem s tem podrla svoj princip, svoje prepričanje. Nekaj v kar sem verjela celo življenje. Ampak vseh teh sprememb sem vesela, ker sem zaradi tega sama sebi zanimiva. |
I demolished my principle, my conviction.
| I realized that I can't teach people. I mustn't. I myself am such, that I always learn from people, with whom I have any interaction with. I always absorb in everything, I can learn from someone and I am always self-critical and very aware of my own actions. I'm searching for everything, that will help me, to strengthen my character and become a better version of myself. We are all very different from each other. Very. Each has its own life story, habits, visions, goals, lifestyle. What happens is, that somebody does something that I recognize as a lack of emotional intelligence. And that really bothers me. This is an area where I'm sensitive. I understand, that it doesn't matter to other people, but I want to inform them about this. Well, I did, until last week. Sometimes it's not about emotional intelligence, but about a way of living, thinking, attitude towards other people. Because I don't want to see, how people who I love, are making mistakes. I want them to open their eyes. Teach them something. It NEVER ends well. It always leads to an argument. Then also physically I feel bad, because I don't like arguments, I can't stand how my heartbeat increases, how I feel tension in my throat and how loud my voice gets. I don't want to fight with people. This also means, that now there's a friction between this person and me and I most likely get on that person's nerves. |
Dojela sem, da ljudi ne smem učiti. Ja, ne smem. Sama sem taka, da se vedno učim od ljudi, s katerimi imam kakršnokoli interakcijo. Vedno srkam, vedno sem zavedam svojega obnašanja in vedno sem samokritična. Iščem poti, ki me bodo pripeljale do tega, da bom svoj karakter okrepila in postala boljša. Ljudje smo si različni. Zelo. Vsak ima svojo življenjsko zgodbo, navade, poglede, cilje, življenjski slog. Zgodi se, da nekdo naredi nekaj, kar prepoznam kot pomanjkanje čustvene inteligence. In to me hudo zmoti. To je področje, kjer sem občutljiva. Razumem, da drugim ljudem to ni pomembno ampak ljudi hočem podučiti o temu. No, sem, do prejšnjega tedna. Včasih se ne gre za čustveno inteligenco ampak za način življenja, razmišljanja, odnosa do drugih ljudi. Ker ljudi, ki jih imam rada, nočem gledati, kako počnejo napake, jim hočem odpreti oči. Jih naučiti nečesa. To se NIKOLI ne konča dobro. Vedno pride do prepira. Takrat se prav fizično počutim slabo, ker ne maram prepirov, ne prenesem tega, kako mi srčni utrip naraste, kako me stiska v grlu in kako glasno začnem govoriti. Nočem se kregati z ljudmi. Poleg tega to pomeni, da je med to osebo in mano trenje, napetost, verjetno grem tej osebi na živce. |
I don't want to fight with people.
| Until now, it seemed right to try to help the people I love, to open their eyes. That I would be a bad person if I silently watched and let him/her to continue doing mistakes. My intentions are always good. If I look at the results after 30 years (well, I wasn't doing this, when I was a kid), I realize that this is not the right way. Finally, I realized that it doesn't bring anything good. I now know, that I shouldn't assume things based on my way of thinking. Yeah, I like to improve and work on myself, but not all people are like this. I can't impose something to someone. If someone is not hungry for information, he will just throw it away and then resent me because of something I don't agree with him/her. This always hurts me. My intention is positive but it is perfectly logical that the other person can't know this, because the first natural reaction is, to be hurt, angry and offended. I understand this reaction. | Do sedaj se mi je zdelo prav, da skušam ljudem, ki jih imam rada odpreti oči. Da bi bila slaba oseba, če bi molče gledala in pustila, da še naprej počne napake. Moj namen je vedno dober. Ko po 30ih letih (no, tega nisem počela, ko sem bila otrok) potegnem črto in pogledam rezultat, mi je jasno, da to ni pravi način. Končno sem dojela, da to ne prinese ničesar dobrega. Nehati moram sklepati po sebi. Ja, sama se rada spreminjam in učim, niso pa vsi taki. Ne morem nekomu vsiliti nečesa. Če nekdo ni željan informacije, jo bo vrgel stran in nato meni zameril, ker se v nečem ne strinjam z njim. To me vedno boli. Moj namen je pozitiven ampak v bistvu je čisto logično, da druga oseba tega ne more vedeti, ker je prvi naravni odziv prizadetost in užaljenost. Ta odziv popolnoma razumem. |
I now know, that I shouldn't assume things based on my way of thinking.
| Another reason why it's wrong to teach people is, that I myself am not perfect. Who am I, to teach anybody anything? As if I ate the whole knowledge of the world. In fact, this is very presumptuous and I don't like that. I don't want to be presumptuous. All I can do is, that I work on myself, change myself, grow and maybe I can influence someone, with the way I live and have a positive impact. I'm happy, because I finally opened my eyes. With love, Neja |
Drugi razlog, zakaj ni prav, da učim ljudi pa je ta, da tudi sama nisem popolna. Kdo sem jaz, da bom sploh koga kaj učila? Kot, da sem pojedla celo znanje tega sveta. V bistvu je to zelo prevzetno in to mi ni všeč. Nočem biti prevzetna. Vse kar lahko naredim je to, da se brigam zase, delam na sebi, spreminjam sebe, rastem in morda bom s svojim vzgledom na koga pozitivno vplivala. Vesela sem, ker sem končno odprla oči. Z ljubeznijo, Neja |
I don't want to be presumptuous.
